We humans are such a conglomerate … We have so many lovely characteristics and beautiful sides, and so many flaws and faults. I am so glad our Lord chooses to ignore our faults when He picks who he is going to use to serve Him, and focuses on the blessings we bring to others instead :-).
Lunch… with a small side of guilt. So here’s the way lunch went down today. Actually went down pretty well – yum :-). I get up and think, what is a nice warm lunch I can fix on this freezing cold day? Hand pot pie, that sounds delicious – vegetarian, too. So I open the fridge and what do I see but one last piece of leftover cauliflower crust pizza. Must finish it off. On the Myers-Briggs personality test I am a “J” after all :-). Although others disagree. They might be right. The jury is still out on that one. Then for some strange reason I check Instagram on my phone. My fitness instructor has posted a beautiful picture of what appears to be a chocolate superfood shake. It looks like it has bananas or whipped cream or something yummy on top. I think… actually since I had nothing but coffee and warm food this morning, something cold might be good right now. I wish I hadn’t bought that ice cream for the sister party. But I might as well finish it off, my husband won’t, he thinks it gives him a headache. I will do the honors. Oh, this is cold. Let’s microwave it. Mmmmmm. I wish I had more ice cream! And there you have it.
CONGRATULATIONS! God has brought two lovely people together. And since I’m sure this is a “match made in Heaven” between two wonderful & godly people, you will probably not need much, if any, advice. Every marriage is different, & my first & (should be only) advice to someone just getting married &/or having kids for the first time, is to seek the Lord’s wisdom & custom-tailored advice in every situation. But since I am wordy & do not seem to have any brevity in my soul, I am going to pass on the very little wisdom (more practical than wise, really) that I have gleaned from my own years of marriage & child-rearing (if that blessing should come to you!). If you find you do not need it, maybe you can pass on whatever seems reasonable to couples you know who are getting married &/or planning to have kids. So, in no particular order, except that this is how it came to me as I was pondering my own marriage & child-rearing, here tis:
1) Learn to parent pets together before kids.
2) Regarding said pets, if you have a cat/cats, buy a PetSafe self-cleaning litter box on sale over Black Friday weekend, & you will only have to clean litter once/week.
3) Find a good super-glue & you will find that most anything can be glued back together – except feelings. People first, pets next, (maybe plants next, since they, too, are living things) & things last. Things really don’t matter that much in the scheme of things.
4) Try to find a place (eventually, if it seems good to you) that has a kitchen & a closet big enough for two. Or – be sweet! Be sweet, either way ;-).
5) Of course, there is the time-honored tradition of dating your spouse. To which I add my, “yes!” But I will say, if finances are tight, once a week is really not necessary, although it is best. And when/if you get a babysitter, hopefully you can find a nice responsible teen who will work cheap! ‘Cuz these days most don’t, & you will want their services often through the years! You can make it up to them in other ways. Be their life-long friend.
6) If (many years down the line, & hopefully never!) you ever start taking your spouse for granted, & are not as in awe of them & enamored with every little thing about them as you are now…make sure you have a small group or other situations where you can see each other “in action” with other people. Sometimes we don’t act our best for each other at home. When you see your spouse interacting with others in public, it might remind you what a wonderful and charming person they are, and why you fell for them in the first place.
7) If you have kids – PLEASE don’t make Mom (who usually has more time and hands-on experience with them) always be the “bad-cop.” Your child will fall for this ploy and prefer their Dad for a time, thinking he is always nice and Mom seems to be mean all the time. Not fair! ‘Nuff said.
8) Again, a reminder that God has the custom-tailored answer to each of your problems, which may not look the same as His answers for others. Seek the Lord and look to Him for solutions that are designed just for you.
9) Never buy white carpet. I think that is self-explanatory. In fact, my current house (and my third house with kid) has tile floor – a beautiful beige “Italian” tile, supposedly, that has indentations and marks in it, and that perfectly hides all manner of dirt, pet hair, etc. Not that I don’t clean, mind you – but who really wants to slave away all the time just keeping up a house? Wood floors also worked well. Just sayin’ – if you get tile, your plates WILL break as soon as they hit the floor.
10) (I’m sorry, I never could figure out how to redo the “indents” system when this happens. #notthebestsecretarybutmyheartsintherightplace. On the topic of housekeeping, keep a clean house, but have a room you can “dump” stuff in for parties or other company, which I assume you will be hosting at some time ;-). Have your company over in the evening, when you can turn the lights down low. Light candles, and close off that one room – unless, of course, your guest will be sleeping in that room, in which case – big closets! Now you know my secrets :-o. I am overly honest, if anything, because most women I know seem to feel the same way – mostly. Now my sister-in-law’s in-laws even vacuum the dog, but then again, they might not get invited over as much as other people ;-). every little thing about them as you are now…make sure you have a small group or other situations where you can see each other “in Mom (who usually has more time and hands-on experience with them) always be the “bad-cop.” Your child will fall for this ploy and prefer their Dad for a time, thinking he is always nice and Mom seems to be mean all the time. Not fair! ‘Nuff said.
8) Again, a reminder that God has the custom-tailored answer to each of your problems, which may not look the same as His answers for others. Seek the Lord and look to Him for solutions that are designed just for you.
9) Never buy white carpet. I think that is self-explanatory. In fact, my current house (and my third house with kid) has tile floor – a beautiful beige “Italian” tile, supposedly, that has indentations and marks in it, and that perfectly hides all manner of dirt, pet hair, etc. Not that I don’t clean, mind you – but who really wants to slave away all the time just keeping up a house? Wood floors also worked well. Just sayin’ – if you get tile, your plates WILL break as soon as they hit the floor.
10) (I’m sorry, I never could figure out how to redo the “indents” system when this happens. #notthebestsecretarybutmyheartsintherightplace. On the topic of housekeeping, keep a clean house, but have a room you can “dump” stuff in for parties or other company, which I assume you will be hosting at some time ;-). Have your company over in the evening, when you can turn the lights down low. Light candles, and close off that one room – unless, of course, your guest will be sleeping in that room, in which case – big closets! Now you know my secrets :-o. I am overly honest, if anything, because most women I know seem to feel the same way – mostly. Now my sister-in-law’s in-laws even vacuum the dog, but then again, they might not get invited over as much as other people ;-). 11) Also, re: parties: Costco & Aldi. Because you will need a lot of good, “easy” entertaining food, & in mass quantities (unless you choose not to).
12) Holidays – try to visit both sets of parents/families as often as you can. They don’t live forever, unfortunately. However, I will say, after at MOST three years old, you should put your foot down & tell them you will not be bringing the first grandchild to visit four times a year.
13) Disneyworld is way more fun than the grandparents’ place – usually. However, at 3 ½ years old, while our children will enjoy it, they might not remember it later, & you will have to show them pictures – have the souvenirs to prove they ever went (I am getting a little carried away now, remembering our early days of parenting our one & only 😉 ).
14) If you live in my area of the country (Texas, but in truth, I think this might apply to most areas), I can assure you there are plenty of places to take short (weekend or extended) vacation breaks that won’t break the bank. Driving vacations are a great way to catch up on talking, too, once you get outside the pressures of the city. Many people tend to become so “married” to their jobs that they sometimes forget their first duty is to family. Both job & family will be much happier if family comes first – imho – & from observations along the way.
15) Charge everything to a credit card that gives great rewards (pay it off every month, though!) & you can greatly reduce the costs of your getaways. We use Capitol One Visa, a Hilton rewards American Express (double points on gas, drugstores and groceries) & a Costco Visa (high cash-back rewards). We thus earn free miles, cash or hotel points every time we make a purchase (para-professional shopper here ;-).
16) It’s healthier for kids to be exposed to germs than, say, having the same in-laws’ in-laws’ tactics (who vacuum their dog, see above), & who came to my house with Lysol can in hand, spraying behind them every time they exited the bathroom! Kids (& adults) build their immune systems by exposure, not by hibernating away from every germ in sight (sorry, if any of you is a nurse or related to a nurse, by any chance.) 17) Again, please forgive me if you’re in the medical field and are otherwise persuaded, but from my life-long health research and prayer over my son’s various health-related issues – vaccinate only for diseases you deem worth it. Vaccines contain many hazardous components, and if you compare the number of vaccines given today to the number you had when you were young, you will see it has greatly increased. Try to only do single vaccines at a time, and no more than one/month. In the hospital you may not have a choice, but if you do, let it be known! Our children and babies don’t even HAVE much of an immune system when they are young, and all the various vaccines just confuse them. End of rant.
18) Along the lines of health, agree on a healthy lifestyle, and a healthy diet for both of you (it can be a different diet for each of you, but I have found that extremely difficult to navigate.) Yes, I know “we all gotta’ die sometime.” But, it is the living I am more concerned with. Who wants to live sick? If you do well by your body, you will likely live better longer.
19) Creative discipline is not easy when you are “in the moment.” “Discipline Them, Love Them,” by Betty N. Chase, is an excellent resource for all different manner/modes of discipline for all different manner of children. Of course, I took the semester long course at my church when my only child was 18 and had just left home, because my friends were teaching it and wanted “moral support” for a rather old-school teaching (spanking), which I was happy to give. There are LOTS of good ideas in there besides spanking, and I figure it’s always good to learn where you went wrong (or what you did right), even after most of your parenting years are over. That way you can feel free to scare – um, I mean “advise” – younger, newer parents ;-).
20) Lastly, did I mention, look to the Lord for ALL your needs – He is sure to provide the wisdom and practical answers you need. Single best piece of advice I can give. 21) The Lord loves you more than ANY of us can even know. He will guide, bless, and watch over you in your marriage and parenting, more so if His involvement is invited – and He is PLEASED to do it. He was pleased to provide the right mate (no one is perfect, but we know that already!) for each of you, and He will take great pleasure in watching you love each other well. Blessings, and the ever-perfect Peace of the Lord be with you always!
PS – If you notice me saying things twice (or more) – it is most likely because I am a parent. And a wife. In those circumstances I am afraid repetition is necessary. It might or might not be intentional. Because it very well might be merely habitual at this point. It certainly used to be intentional, even if it was a “win” on the part of the other members of my family and not something I enjoyed doing. “C’est la vie,” (“say the old folks”) – “it goes to show”…well…we’re old, just that!
1truevoice (and it's not mine!) 