The Art of Marriage Small Groups

Only one chapter (so far), I really disagreed with, and it did cause quite a bit of conflict… Which is why I am now reading the next chapter on conflict (alone, in total quietude), placed conveniently right after the one which caused the conflict. However as I threw the book on the floor and ran to my bedroom during that chapter’s discussion, I had to remind myself, I have a guy who agreed to go to a marriage small group with me…with a church we no longer even attend :-)! Which actually, might even be better :-). Here’s to some creative conflict, and words chosen carefully, speaking the truth in love :-). Notice all the smiley faces here :-)??? 😉

Eyes on the Redeemer, not the Messes (which just might be us!)

Hey, when there are places in our lives that are unhealed, as there will be with most anyone, they might likely make a mess. Let’s not focus on the mess, but let’s rivet our eyes on the Redeemer, who redeems our messes and makes beauty out of our ashes! (Isaiah 61:3 – “…and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

“Forgive us our [SIM cards] ?!

LOL for today :-): After recent posts about “voice, or speech-to-text,” however you would like to call it, not recognizing the word “sin,” it came up with a new one for me this morning. Voice-to-text just told me God had forgiven me all my SIM card! Considering that I put all my thoughts/confessions/what have you, into my phone, largely through voice-to-text, to messaging, to email (don’t think it goes to the SIM card, but if it did), that would be truly saying something!

Depression. Pt. 2.

Depression. Pt. 2. The counseling I received this time was much different. It made me look at myself deeply in a way that changed me, for the better. Early on, I got plugged into a clinic that had a revolving door of counselors, it seemed. Counselor after counselor came, gave me their counsel & would leave. And I will say this, while not something that happens often, I did learn one thing. That every different counselor has something valuable to give, & that just as in life, “every [person] I meet is my superior in some way, & in that I may learn from him.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson. Each different perspective gave me a different peek into myself & into life in general. And I learned that most counselors are kind-hearted people wanting to help…& that it is very good to have someone on your side! The last counselor I saw years ago was my best cheerleader. He would not even let me say one single bad thing about myself, without coming back & saying something that he had genuinely noticed about me that was good. Truly even better than thinking about my past, noticing my patterns, measuring any thing, was the love & support & cheerleading I received from this man. And I would like to correct any false impressions I may have given – delving deeply into my “psyche” was really not a spooky thing, as I may have made it sound. Really it was up to me how much I wanted to look at. Being somewhat of an over-thinker & an analytical type, I went to town with it. But counseling was not the scary thing you might think of if you have never been before. There was no unwelcome probing, prying nor manipulation, such as hypnosis. It was more just like a friend asking questions & trying to help. So…while I am certainly not completely “healed” from past hurts & my own past sins that have hurt me, I can end this post at least by saying, I am so much better off than I was! There is help & there is hope that there can be real life again – life that is good. That God can (& intends to) bring deliverance. Sometimes, though, it comes not so much as a miraculous swoop down from heaven, but as the miraculous coordination of efforts between Holy Spirit, friends & counselors. To Healing! Amen.

Sin…”You are dead to me!”

Forgive us Lord, for the big and the small, You know it all. Help us reconcile our accounts in you, and “Reckon ourselves dead to sin” (Romans 6:11). And, Sin? You are dead to me! Help us not judge another, for You alone are all-knowing, all-wise and paid the price for sin with Your very life. Give us Your heart of mercy! Beating hearts that beat with Your love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Missing the mark..or the torment?

You know what, what was the thing that I thought this morning? First.thing.in.the.morning? Barely up out of bed. It was about the one thing I did yesterday, or with me it’s usually the one thing I SAID, that was just a little…well…too much. Between me and the devil we are going to make sure that not one. single. missing-of-the-mark. goes by without tormenting me. Without making me think that it was worse than it was, and that even if it was horrible, that there is no forgiveness for it. That it will define me. That whenever anyone looks at me that is the first thing they are going to think about. Despite the fact that God has said not to worry for myself! That He is in charge of what other people think about me. And I have seen this in action too – God dealing with my sin, my reputation, or with the thoughts I have toward others, when God is dealing with me. Whenever I am sure something I have done defines me in other people’s minds, God shows me that it doesn’t. Sometimes He will show me that they still “like me” :-). That they don’t even remember, sometimes! Or that He has gone to the trouble to stand up for me, to redefine the moment or event in their mind, or possibly (like He does with me), He’ll show them that they are just as guilty, if not of that, then of other things. So… maybe today…I can just – let go of torment? Especially over the littler things. And just believe God. Revolutionary! And here’s a thought – if He can do it for the little things, He can do it for the big, too! 🙂

Overflowing…Love? ;-)

My husband, looking for something in this mess of a pile of clean dishes still in the sink…”I can’t find the one cup measuring cup.” Me: “Do you want me to empty that?” A bit of silence, a few little stuttering type noises, then “No…I just need the measuring cup” :-). I give him a measuring cup. “This do?” “No.” He wants the red one. He finds the red one. He leaves to go to the store briefly. I am laughing inside. The hubs is being very mindful…of God, of me, of manners… Wondering if it’s ‘cuz we just got home from church? Or maybe because we’ve been talking about our relationship and my son’s relationships and us when we were younger. Either way, makes me smile, grateful. I emptied the sink while he was gone :-). Oh, and I noticed he saved the seeds from the peppers he ate. Good job! Because I know by himself he could care less. #nevertoooldtoworkonyourrelationship #happywifehappylife #Istolethatfromtoomanyplaces toevenworryabout #thefirstplaceihearditwas…ohnevermindthatwasgetalifewithoutthestrifebyfredlittauer
#homegarden

Showered by Grace (or…”Happier than a Pig in a Mud Holler’ ;-)

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (Jn. 1:9, ESV). Sin stinks. Others can usually smell it on us before we can smell it on ourselves. Not always. But in my case, a lot of the time I don’t even see it or have any clue that it’s there. It creeps up on me! It takes some Holy Ghost one-on-one time to realize what is going on in my heart. “9The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9, ASV). While inwardly I might at times be showering praise upon myself instead of upon my God, what I need instead at those times is a good scrub-a-dub-dub shower in the Word of God! We can’t shower that stuff away with soap and water (I’m talking about the sin within) – it’s got to come out through the workings of the Holy Spirit! So although I stand clean before God at all times, both positionally and in my inner nature, because Christ has given me righteousness in exchange for my unrighteousness, and because His spirit and Essence indwell me – at times my still-present “sin nature” might like to take a little dip in the mud baths of earthly life, and I get a little dirty :-o. And I’m not talking here about the healing mud baths one finds at health spas and mineral wells. I’m talkin’ the nasty, icky “happy as a pig in a mud holler'” type mud baths, that leave us…well, less than who we are in Christ! Gladly, I can “confess” these things without shame (much), because not only is all humanity alike in its propensity to sin and to opt for pride instead of humility, but because it is no surprise to Christ, either. He bids me “come as I am” to be bathed in His love. No punishment, no condemnation. Just His gentle forgiveness, and healing peace. And, actually, that would make me happier than that proverbial pig in his mud holler 🙂 Amen.

God’s grace > “lagniappe!”

Someone was talking about God’s grace on Twitter one day, and what came to my mind immediately was, “lagniappe.” Something they say in Louisiana, a French word I guess, describing “extra.” But when I looked up the actual definition, I realized, Grace is so much more than lagniappe! lagniappe (/ˈlænjæp/ LAN-yap, /lænˈjæp/ lan-YAP) is “a small gift given a customer by a merchant at the time of a purchase” (such as a 13th doughnut on purchase of a dozen), or more broadly, “something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure.”[1] Grace is not lagniappe! Great is so much greater than lagniappe! Grace is not that something extra given freely out of love, Grace IS love. Grace is everything! Grace is not a 13th donut or rose added to the dozen…Grace IS the Rose. I can’t quite say it is a donut 🙂 – although it is eternal, like a circle. If we had one iota of an idea of the amount of grace it takes for God to give us everything He has given us – His love, His very life, His attention, everything we have or hope to have ever, we would not again be confusing God’s grace with “lagniappe!” We might be reminded of God’s grace when we hear or experience lagniappe. We might think of God’s grace when we sing or see a “grace note” in a piece of music. But I, for one, will not be so foolish again as to describe God’s grace as lagniappe! Fortunately, for my sake, the highly regarded religious author who may or may not have ever seen my response to his tweet, did not respond back :-). I might have been crushed. He may have been giving me a little lagniappe there ;-).

The Blame Chain

Walk a mile in someone’s shoes. Or at least imagine it. It helps me understand people who are not behaving the way I wish they would. It gives me sympathy. To understand where they have come from, to at least LOOK at what it must be like to walk in their shoes, even if that’s just a shadow of what it is truly like. There is usually a cause to the effect. You can usually see where the problems started, with someone’s parents, with the parents’ parents, etc. But how far back must the blame chain go – all the way back to Adam and Eve? At some point it must be broken. And in our own lives we have only ourselves to control, no one else. So at some point (the sooner the better) we must stop blaming and break that chain. I don’t want to be a link in anyone’s blame chain. You’ve heard of chain of command, right? Let’s not create a chain of blame. Who does that really help anyway? No one! Yes, in a very real way we are linked to one another, and to one another’s choices. But God has given us power, His power, to overcome the negative things that have been done to us and in us. And to begin to undo the negative things that we have done to others. One step at a time. One baby step at a time, sometimes. But it has to start somewhere. Why not now?